FYI

Sometimes you need to be reminded about who I am and who I’m not
Too many times you limit me because you’re limited
You tie yourself down while I try to lift you up
All the promises I made to you in your youth haven’t expired in your ‘maturity’
Everything that I said would come to pass, will come to pass
I will heal all the wounds you’ve gotten fighting for your life
I was there with you in battle and the only reason you’re still able to fight is because of it
I know what you’ve done, I know what you’re doing, and I know what you will do
There’s nowhere you can go that I can’t take you to or bring you back from
I am never ending, as is my love for you
The miracles you read about in the Word are nothing compared to what I want to do in your life
I am your shelter during the storm
I am your bread and water when you’re starving
I am your shield and sword in the heat of an attack
I am your strength in the greatest times of weakness
I’m there when you make me smile; I’m there when you break my heart
“Be still and know that I am God”
Be still and know that you’re problems are not
I command the seas
I tell the sun to shine
I give your heart a beat
I don’t need your permission or opinion
Don’t believe what you see on the television or hear from the fearful
I have not lost control
This battle has already been won; the only question is ‘whose side are you on?’

Beautifully Scarred

Everyday I would try to hide my scars of life
Try to disguise what I've aquired from my days of strife
But why cover up the outward signs of healing?
And while trying to make my new life of salvation sound appealing
If I'm really pleased with what I've become
Then I should enjoy looking back on what's been done
You'll never be perfect here, we all have flaws
Not a single one has lived a life without breaking laws
Put all your scars out on display
Let others see your gratitude for how God's showed you the way
Who is going to trust you if you don't take off your mask?
God will surely provide boldness to complete this uncomfortable task
We need to be vulnerable with one another
Otherwise, how can I sincerely say you're my sister or brother?
We aren't called to be perfect
If we were, we'd never be able to connect
No no no, of course I'm stained
But more important is the eternal life I've gained

What if...?

*CAUTION: This may cause you to open your eyes and change your ways.

Today I got mad. No, not just mad, I got furious. I finally got fed up with being the devil’s punching bag. I used to say I was tired of it, but today I acted like it. I got up and instead of going into defense mode; I squared my shoulders and told the Devil to come get some. Will you do the same?

What if you were more than just talk?

What if you made true on all your promises to God and your threats to the Devil?

What if you actually cared about what happened to you?

What if life meant more to you than what you see?

What if you cared more about your eternity than your tomorrow?

What if the state of the world we’re living in actually mattered to you as much as you say it does?

What if you were willing to fight as hard as you love?

What if you were willing to give as much as you get?

What if you got mad and let the devil know it?

What if you messed with the devil much as he messes with you?

What if the when the devil thought of you he didn’t say “oh it’s just another one of those Christians”?

What if the devil felt the need to warn his followers to be on the top of their game when it came to attacking you?

What if you struck fear in them because you’ve decided to live up to your destiny?

What if you weren’t like the others?

What if you didn’t blend in with non-believers?

What if you were the first one God thought of when he needed something done?

What if you weren’t content with just surviving until He comes back?

What if you acknowledged that there’s a war raging over your soul?

What if you treated God like He is all-powerful, holy, and worthy of all praise?

What if you tore down all the walls the devil gave you the bricks to build?

What if your eyes hurt from all the darkness around us?

What if you dug up all you buried?

What if you stopped living your life in circles?

What if you stopped putting your soul on sale for the highest bidder and acted like your soul has been paid for by Jesus?

What if you put on your armor and war paint everyday when you woke up?

What if you acted like you know God still lives?

I guess we’ll never know until you stop asking what if and started and started living out your answer… we’re waiting.

!?

Sometimes the walls of box I find myself in were built by me
And it takes a loud reminder from God telling me to, “BREAK FREE!”
All the hits I take wear me down and sometimes I don’t want to get up
I stay low accepting the undoubted shame of the loser’s cup
Success in this life isn’t achieved by playing a risky game of luck
Nor is it about pushing your limits to ‘earn’ a quick buck
Love isn’t something you happen to find, it’s something you make
Sex isn’t supposed to be a commodity you pay for or just take
Now music is made to eat away at your soul
And knowledge distorts the significance of life’s goal
Religion is just an idea used to fill emptiness
No wonder we feel so lost in this time, we’ve made a mess
I’m supposed to be uncomfortable, none of this is right
The state of brothers and sisters is not something I take light
All this disgust means nothing is I stay silent
Do I really care if I don’t even try to make a dent?
Who am I to complain and then just sit?
Something about this situation just doesn’t fit
What am I gonna do about it?

Rededication

I’ve drifted many times before
Made promises that I wouldn’t hurt you anymore
All the while you knew the promises I’d break
You knew while I hid behind the smiles I’d fake
Now I’ve seen what life’s like without you
And I want to come home, just tell me what to do
The worldly way offers a false sense of freedom
But it’s just a trick to distract me from Your Kingdom
The unfortunate can’t see but the foolish just pretend to be blind
I’m still confused as to how I’m able to treat you so unkind
But none of that matters now
I’m standing ready to renew our vows
I can’t promise I’ll do everything right
But I can promise I won’t give up the fight
The choices I make aren’t all in good taste
But the love you continue to give me will not go to waste
When I get to high, please knock me back
I’m not worried because I know your make up all that I lack
In the valley I’ll stop and smell the flowers, on the mountaintop I’ll enjoy the view
Life’s difficult situations give me opportunity to renew my faith in you
At this moment I commit and my life has (again) begun
And I work toward one day hear your voice say, “well done”

To my future

This is all I ask…
Don’t take everything just because I’ll give you all I have
Don’t push me just because I said I won’t budge
Don’t leave me behind just because I’ll always be here
Don’t rush me just because I’m impatient
Don’t lead me into darkness just because I’ll follow you anywhere
Don’t betray me just because I’ll tell you all my secrets
Don’t wish death on me just because I’d die for you
Don’t call me selfish just because I like to get what I give
Don’t take your way just because I said I’d compromise
That is all I ask… my first, my last, and my only plea
With all the love I have,
Simone

Man, It Feels Good

I now see that it’s never been about me.
All the times I complained, his plan for me has remained.
Of course I don’t deserve what I’ve been given, not with the life I’ve been living.
Hello Simone, it’s not about you. God has a much better reason for making you brand new.
Yes you will suffer and there’s no doubt you’ll cry;
But only so He can pick you up from the place in which you lie.
I can’t seem to understand why he always takes me back
With all the patience, love, and discipline I lack
I hate what when the mirror reflects a face of my own
No, I want it to show you and you alone
My eyes have been closed and my mind has grown tired
But I’m plugged back into you and now I’m wired
Now the smile on my face doesn’t fade so fast
And the time of lingering pain has passed
No matter how hard I push or how fast I run
The conquering you set out to do in my heart is done
As I’ve been told, “take control of the atmosphere”
Silence all the noise so you’re the only thing I hear
Until the end of my time I know hard times will look me in the eye
But these are the things I must go through just like the next guy
Hold my hand and remind me you’re worth all I’ve faced
Never let me forget that this love cannot be replaced

Via My Awesome Friend Noah Peltier

I never knew how good it'd feel to drown
this water that fills my lugs washes me clean
in love it abounds
my pain is gone from east to west.
i care nothing of my life for my Father knows what's best.
he takes me up to the mountain to pray
I sing his songs so i may hear him say

I love you; my child
blessed are you for you seek my council
your cup runneth over
go share it with the world

So I ran to do as my father had said
His glory still with me I feel so alive
Now i tell all why He bled
His love so astounding for a wretch like me
I pray that I reflect this love for the world to see
I lift my hands and sing his praise
Lord guide me in all of your ways

I love you; my child
blessed are you for you seek my council
your cup runneth over
go share it with the world

Now I here a voice that terrifies me so
It's stronger than before when it was just a whisper
no howling like the wind blows
"This isn't your purpose your just a man"
"How can you play such a part in His plan"
Kill steal and destroy is his evil goal
But I hear my Lord speak to my soul

I love you; my child
blessed are you for you seek my council
your cup runneth over
go share it with the world

I have run the race I've fought the good fight
He kept me safe through the darkest night
Now I watch emerald seas as I sit on white shores
Forever Your mine
And forever I'm Yours

What the Mirror Can't See

Peace at last
There is still hope when I cannot recognize who appears in the mirror
Then I can conclude that there is more to me than meets the eye
Then I can conclude that the most distinctive part of me cannot be known by mere physical sight
Many can only panic in the same situation because they know of nothing else other than what their senses say
The mirror does not have the ability to reflect the spirit that cannot be contained in this body
This laughter contains much more than the simple tone and pitch variation identified by the ears
The discovery of your existence outside of the common realm… the knowledge that here & now are insignificant to the there & then.
I choose to come alive again and that means to die to what you see and live in what God’s given me
Lucky that the mirror doesn’t reflect my reality, instead it’s all just a decoy, a distraction for us
But it makes me smile because now I’m wise enough to see right through what the mirror shows me
I look down and notice that I’m holding my heart in my hands; it’s nice to finally feel it beat again…

The Insanity I Love

Today God, we moved mountains and then ground them to dust
I was overtaken, elevated, and rejuvenated
A step was taken forward and there will be none taken back
You took me beyond my flesh so far that I didn’t exist
I was consumed, every nook and cranny
My mind tries to make sense of it but instead I laugh because there’s no sense to be made
Not because it didn’t happen but because my mind was not permitted to go where you took my heart
That place… there is nothing like it
My life is dedicated to going and staying there because that’s my peace
Not the kind of peace that makes you sleep and snore
But the peace that makes you jump and run
I am so much of nothing without you
Just a void that allowed everything to dwell in me
But now I’ve been filled to the very tip top
Now nothing else has room to enter
You wanted me and now you have me
For some reason that sounds like you’re the one who is gaining something
But no… I’m the one who has been given the privilege to breathe real breath
My heart screams for you so much that my mouth can’t keep up
Lucky me that the words from my lips are not what you listen to
Thank you for being who you are
I mean that with everything I have, yet it still seems so futile
I don’t know what to say so I’ll close my mouth and just let my heart speak
Bless you Lord, my one and only God, THE one and only God

Is it possible?

Another breath you’ve given me
What kind of person would I be if I didn’t use it to praise you?
Lord, I heard & read of your goodness expecting so much
But after seeing & experiencing it myself, I see I didn’t expect enough
I claim nothing good of this world
I declare here & now it all belongs to you
Use me in any & every way you will because if I’m not living to glorify you, I’m not living at all
Guide me so every word, thought, & movement are seen as good in your eyes
When I lose focus or step off the path, do what is needed to get me back on track, no matter the cost
No amount of instant gratification is worth taking a step back after you’ve brought me this far
I ask that you give all my brothers & sisters the opportunity to feel & love you the way I do
Take away the boring, dull, rebellious veil that blinds from the rewarding, love-filled, beautiful life you have waiting
Usher them to the other side where we are all excited to meet them
Forgive the times I’ve broken your heart by breaking my promises
I know I don’t deserve it but that’s never stopped you from taking me back
I let it all go because when I really think about it, I have nothing to let go
Fill this empty hole that has been throbbing all my days
I see others cry, laugh, smile, even lose control because they have you
I want that too, I want you too, take me too!
I barely know anything of you but I miss you
Sometime, somewhere we must have met before
Can we go back? Can I ever make it that high again?
I’m no longer afraid to try
I’m ready!!!!!!! I AM READY!!!!!!!!!!

Wake Up!

Time to wake up, you need to move
Why are you sleeping on the things you were once so eager to prove
Still targets are not hard to miss
The snake moves closer with his devious hiss
Trouble is fast on its way
And it’s headed straight for the spot in which you lay
You’ve become too comfortable on this plane
You know, but take for granted the night I was slain
These blessing here and now are just for here and now
Those around the corner are far greater, this I vow
I’m not pleased with Christians who’ve gone stale
I put fire in you that you may be the head, not the tail
Your lids grow heavy and your breath is slowing
All the while, His influence is growing
The armor you were given no longer shines
And now when we speak, all I hear are your whines
What happened to the warrior who was so willing to fight
It seems you’ve been seduced by his disarming light
Wake up little soldier for the day draws near
What will be your fate when it’s my voice you hear?

A little bit of everything

God, you’ve opened my eyes
I thought truth of so many lies
Now through the illusion, I see
How did I let him make such a fool of me?
Regret is now of no use
“I didn’t know” in an invalid excuse
When you look up, the sky isn’t always blue
In fact, saying its gray seems a bit more true
Not every smile is sincere
They’re used more to hide fear
We are blind yet think everything’s great
When in reality, everywhere we look is drenched in hate
Except here… with you
And those you’ve called, too
How blessed we are to have life outside our finite home
Green pastures and still waters occupy where we’ll roam
We itch and fidget in Heaven’s waiting room
Saddened that others will become acquainted with doom
Even so we try to clean ourselves up before your return
Putting into practice the teachings you’ve told us to learn
Daddy, your children here just miss you so much
We are eager and do what’s needed to be closer to your touch
I know we’ve all cried ourselves to sleep at night
Thinking we were too weak to continue to fight
But here we are, we haven’t stopped yet
If you put money on us then you’ll win that bet
You’ve placed us on top of the mountain
To look up to you rather than down at men
My brothers and sisters, I look to you to see Him
I detect weariness when the light in your eyes grow dim
But instead of taking advantage of your darkest day
I will use my light to help you continue on God’s way
The great love I have for Him he asked me to also share with you
And because I’m confident he knows best, that’s exactly what I’ll do
So put your hand in mine but your trust in God
Fore he will protect us with his staff and rod

About Face (first song)

Time to turn around, do an about face
No wonder I stumble trying to complete this so-called race
So exhausted from thinking I have to win it
No, no, no, all we were called to do is finish

Trying to look cute, sound clever, and dignified each day
When God doesn’t even recognize me when I dress my soul that way
Out of fear to be seen helpless on the ground
I cover up my scars and bruises when others come around
Dirty, lost girl seems like a beauty queen when you look
But only because she’s good at hiding the beatings she took

Time to turn around, do an about face
No wonder I stumble trying to complete this so-called race
So exhausted from thinking I have to win it
No, no, no, all we were called to do is finish

So sure of how everything’s supposed to go
Didn’t even listen when God when told me no
Sometimes I just get so tired and frustrated that I give into sin
Which brings me to pleading with God to take me back again
With a foot in the grave and a shovel in hand
I break all my promises yet continue to demand
I keep on digging a deeper and darker hole
I’m ashamed at how good I’ve gotten at playing this role

Time to turn around, do an about face
No wonder I stumble trying to complete this so-called race
So exhausted from thinking I have to win it
No, no, no, all we were called to do is finish

With my hands up and the tears flowing down
I accept the only One who deserves to wear the crown
This life of mine will no longer go to waste
Amen, Glory to God, your greatness I can taste

Turned around, did an about face
Let go of thinking life is only a race
No more giving into the belief I have to win it
Yes, Jesus, Yes, I’ll hold your hand to the finish

Re-introduction

Chin up, chest out
You’ve got nothing to fret about
If you’ve been defeated, you’re not on my side
And if that’s true, then you’d better run and hide
My people will never know what it means to lose
The outcome of your life I’ve left for you to choose
I’ve come to wipe away the tears you’ve cried
Only I can reward you for all the times you’ve tried
Don’t be afraid of the shadow the devil has cast
You have the authority to dictate how long his influence in your life will last
Dance and sing for the blessings that are on their way
Are you still worried that I work on a time delay?
Stop giving truth to Satan’s outrageous lies
You are the one who must sever those oppressive ties
It looks as if we might need to review
You can’t seem to remember how much I love you
All the generations of people brought together so that you could be
But you still make the amateur mistake of limiting me
I protect what’s mine and demolish all that mean you harm
No one will ever outrun the stretch of my reaching arm
I don’t ever want to be out of your sight
If I am you’ll go blind because without me there is no light
All-powerful I am, but I have a weakness for you
I not only see but feel everything you do
When you stray, I mourn and cry out that your heart may hear me
I do everything I can to warn you of the dangers you can’t see
I just want to hold you and reveal myself
But I can’t do that if you leave me on the shelf
I want to dig so deep in your soul that you’re turned inside out
Can you tell me that the world knows what that kind of love is about?
I’m calling you now, casting out my net
Hello, my name is Jesus, but we’ve already met.

Tales of a Love Sick Heart

Another day full of yearning and frustration
Another day of trying to reclaim my concentration
I strive to keep my actions pure and my vision clear
Yet, I seem to get so caught up in what my heart holds dear
If he’s not for me then, yes I’ll let him be
But God, dear God please just tell me!
I know my love should only be for you
You need to be the reason behind everything I do
Maybe I have too open and loving of a heart
Every single day I feel like I’m being torn apart
No, it’s all a test to see if my intentions are true
Cleanse me daily so I can start over anew
I’m used to letting my feelings lead me astray
But I will not stop dying to self, not for one day
Here I go again, out into the fire
Staying focused on you God, my one and only desire

Go DEEPer

Look around at all the differences you see
Not one of you looks exactly like me
Now go further and tap into the love you can feel
This is DEEP, a place where the damaged are called to heal
We are not perfect in anyway
But when you’re here God is sure to keep the devil at bay
You’re in the presence of sinners who’ve become saints
These are the beauties a great artist would retire of after he paints
This is a safe place to let go of your past
You’d be surprised how close God is after your burdens are cast
The family you always wish you had is to your left and right
Time to take the gloves off because we are not here to fight
Take it from me, you'll never make it if you try to fake it
God gave these people the eyes to see you spiritually naked
So relax your balled up fists
And stop compiling your judgmental lists
Do you hear God whispering in your ear? No, it’s not me
But I can hear him telling you this is where you’re supposed to be
We are your spiritual soulmates, but you can call us DEEP
And here, all the treasure God gives you can keep.

24 hours is a looong time

On May 25, 2010 (Wednesday) God put it very heavily on my heart that I needed to fast. Over and over I told myself that this was just a fluke and I didn’t really need to fast. As the day went on, God made it pretty obvious that He was NOT playing around. So I caved (thankfully) and committed to a 24 hr fast without any solid foods (only 1 can of cream of tomato soup, ½ a smoothie, and a variety of beverages).

I started at 7:30 pm determined as ever that I was going to be so close to God that I could smell his breath. Didn’t turn out how I planned though. I was, initially, so committed to reading my Bible for a whole hour while I was at work (regrettably I didn’t), I said I was going to listen to my 2 sermons on the train to work (couldn’t because I forgot my ipod), I was going to read some Christian literature (forgot the books in my other purse)… nothing was going the way I’d planned.

By 5:30 pm I was growing impatient, dangerously hungry, and unfaithful. I kept saying, “God will be happy that I fasted for 23 hours”, “I should just give up now since I didn’t do most of the things that I said I wasn’t going to do anyway”, and “I knew I couldn’t do it; I eat like ten times a day (my hips don’t lie!)”. The only thing I’d done right is not eat solid foods and I couldn’t see how doing that alone would bring me closer to God.

So at 6:15 pm I gave up. We had just gotten a McDonald’s coupon in the mail and I was going to use it. So I packed up my house shoes and my P.O.ed tummy and set off. On the way, traffic was backed up so I turned on my Joyce Meyer sermon (love her!) to hold me over. She happened to be talking about determinism. There was no way that was a coincidence! The Holy Spirit said, “Listen! This fast is not wasted. You may not have done everything you said you were going to do, but not all is lost. You didn’t keep your promise, but God always keeps his and he said he was going to see you through.”

Yes I bought my McDonald’s but right at this moment (7:26 pm) it is sitting on the counter waiting for me to come through on my end of the fast so God can show me that he always comes through on his. He made it clear to me that in these last few moments he knew what was going to happen all along. He knew I wouldn’t study like I said I would and that I would forget my ipod and miss my sermon. He knew the Devil was going to convince me that it was all in vain and try to get me to let down God, but God had a plan. His plan was to show me that he doesn’t go back on his promise no matter what I do. The Devil distracted me and tempted me all day (and I’d be lying to say I successfully refused him every time). He just knew he’d won.

BUT God used my disobedience and my weakness to show his glory. It is now 7:30 pm and I didn’t finish my fast… God did (I still haven’t eaten any solid foods). I didn’t do all the things I said I would do to be closer to God, but I’m closer anyway because he saw me through like he said he would. I’m writing this for any who take the time to read this. God has used me to show you that even when you don’t do everything you said you’d do for him, as long as you keep trusting him, he’s going to do everything he said he would do for you. All the power and glory to him!!!!! Time to for my fries!

Ready When You Are

I don’t ask of you to be perfect because that you will never be
I just ask that when you feel that weakness, come to me
We can start over and do it right
I want you with me during this fight
You’ve done wrong, but don’t hide
In me is where you need to confide
My love for you will not change
There’s no where you can go where you’ll be out of my range
You think I’m blind to you but your heart still calls
No matter how deep the hole in which you fall
Without me, you won’t get out alive
Regardless of the good deeds or how hard you strive
I don’t want to lose you, but know you better not lose me
You go through life as a locked door and only I have a key
Aren’t you curious to see what I’ve hidden within you?
All the abilities you’ve been given for the things you’re going to do?
Let me show you what lies ahead
Or are you content with sleepless nights lying in bed?
Yes, I see and hear you wondering what you were made for
Why everything you do in life ends up being a bore
It’s because you don’t have me to liven up the stale
You live every second in Satan’s invisible jail
You say you’ve had enough but I know it’s not true
If it was you’d be with me and that decision is long overdue

You're On Your Own

Breath in, breath out
I won’t join you when you scream and shout
I’ve given in to you many times before
Now I’ll just save us both time and show you the door
Most of my time with you has never resulted in peace
My inner turmoil and restlessness wouldn’t cease
Well, your era has been and gone
I’m bored with it, so now I’ve moved on
The love I have for you will never die
But to say our relationship will be the same would be a lie
I refuse to forget the good times we shared
When we actually acted like we cared
For this is all sincere so don’t take offense
But going on like this doesn’t make sense
Not on you, but on this absurdity I give up
Because my life is just too good to let you continue to interrupt

Graduation to Life

Today is the last day of your past
You’re equipped to play your part in the role you were cast
Now is the time to look forward and conquer your future
To prove to yourself more than others that you really are mature
Memories you made can be used to look back and reminisce
But if you look too long, all the new experiences you’re sure to miss
From this day forward, remember that God has put the entire world in your hands
Not just your backyard or down the street, but also far and distant lands
He has already answered your prayer to live a life outside of the box
But you must be sure you’re there to answer when opportunity knocks
Here you go into foreign territory
But that’s what you gotta do to prepare an original ending to your story
Where you go, you’ll never be alone
We were brought together so we can be each other’s ‘mobile home’
The unity here does not stop when we leave from inside these walls
It goes everywhere, and is always ready with open arms when one of us falls
Every face and name you may not know
But these will be the faces you look to when you hit that low
Precise promises one should never make
But I’m willing to bet that as long as we’re invited, we’ll be with you every step you take
We’re all headed the same way
And many of us have been where you are now, here in present day
Utilize your talents and abilities, whatever they might be
So that in the end we can all tell God, “there’s nothing left, I used every gift you gave me.”

On The Hunt

Everyone has a story, all are tragic, but some have happy endings.
This one's ending isn't finished, but allow me catch you up.
Let's just imagine that trust is a house, a home, a heart.
It’s made up to keep the homeowner safe, secure, happy.
Once everything is ready, every homeowner wants to find others to share it with; a home away from home kind of thing.
But so very often that is a mistake…
When I was younger I kept my front door unlocked and I welcomed all.
I put my heart into making my home comfortable and peaceful with the hopes that no one would want to leave.
Unfortunately that's exactly what happened.
No one would leave, instead they trashed my home believing it was their right as invited guests to use and abuse everything I had.
It wasn't long until I became a prisoner in and around myself; I couldn’t bear to live in my own home.
When it became excruciating, I kicked everyone out, good and bad not taking the time to distinguish between the two.
I threw away the key hoping I’d never be able find it again.
I decided it would be better to stay in alone than risk more unruly guests.
I spent a long time trying to fix the things they’d wrecked but we all know that just like paper, once it’s crumbled up it will never be perfect again.
Every once in awhile, I’d look outside and become envious of all the company other homes were able to keep.
So every once in a while, I would venture outside and occasionally into other homes, but never would I let another person enter my home that was so poorly treated.
Hypocrisy? Yes. Understandable? Yes
Besides, I’d never gotten it back to its original state.
Eventually, He found me; showed up on the front step hoping to come in, but as I had promised myself, no one would ever have that privilege again.
But he never left; after a few promises and conversation, he did succeed in charming is way on in.
He actually helped me clean up a bit, so the home is in much better shape than it had been.
Sometimes he’d come with me to the front porch and chat, but he always asked me if he could invite some other people in; of course I said no.
I’d already explained to him what happened all the other times, yet he would respond saying these new guests were tested and would respect my home.
He gave me his word and I’m in the process of trusting it.
So here we are in present day with me scurrying to find all the keys I’d hidden to unlock all the doors and praying with all my might that the new guests will still be there waiting when I get the door open.
I don’t want to miss my chance, but I need you to hang around so I can find the keys.
Trust me… I’m on the hunt.

Can't I?

Why do you continue to doubt me?
I've proven myself dependable more times than you'd understand.
You have faith that I made the desert dry and the beaches wet,
Yet you think I'd fail at solving your simple problems.
You seek out man who doesn't know what tomorrow brings, but you ignore me and I know what every second of your future holds.
Before your existence you were mine.
I put your father and mother together to create you, it was no coincidence.
You were made by me for me; you are my child and I take care of my children.
Do not compare me to a negligent mother or an absentee father.
Anything they can do, I can do better.
I don't get distracted, I'm never too busy, and I never change my mind.
I will stop time from ticking if that is what you need to come to me.
I care more about one teardrop you cry than all the galaxies combined.
Is it that you think a problem is too complicated?
Was it too complicated for me to design nature that would create awe in every living being for lifetimes to come?
Or is it that you think the problem is too small?
Was it too small for me to give you the extra protection so that you could make it home safely that night? You know of which one I speak.
If I can help a man kill a giant, I can pay your bill.
If I can destroy Sodom and Gomorrah in less than a second, I can fix your marriage.
If I can give a blind man sight, I can cure your addiction.
I need no help, but you should take all the help you can get.
I have made plans that will not be broken, postponed, or adjusted.
By will or by force they shall be carried out.
Every path you take and any direction you turn all lead you home with me.
Some are easy, others are hard
Which path is your choice to make.
I'm here and I'm ready.
I don't need to take a break to read the map, I don't need directions, and I don't get tired.
I've walked this path many times before preparing it for our journey TOGETHER.
I'm not a player in this game, I am the maker.
I made the rules and I've set it up for you to win, but you must still play.
There are no tricks, no surprises, or fine print.
All I want is what is already rightfully mine... you.
I carefully planned every minute in history to lead you here to me.
Every battle, every drop of rain, every breath taken, every life lost has brought us to this point.
I would and have done all of that for you; that's how much you mean to me.
Our love story has already been written and I can't wait for you to turn the page and see what I've got planned next.
So don't tell me what I can't do and I'll tell you,"Everything you can do."

[No title needed]

Please don't let me go
My actions don't reflect my heart
Please don't let me go
My love for you hasn't dwindled and never fades
Please don't let me go
I hide my face so you won't see the guilt
Please don't let me go
How can I do the things I do when you do the things you do?
Please don't let me go
You'll welcome me back, yes I know, but I don't deserve it now and I didn't before
Please don't let me go
They say they'll keep me on track, but I won't let them read between my lines
Please don't let me go
I can't run and I can't hide but still I try
Please don't let me go
Rebellion runs deep but you go deeper
Please don't let me go
I'm trying but I keep missing the mark
Please don't let me go
Will I ever get there? I don't know but...
Please don't let me go

IT'S still new... YOU'RE old

Heartbeats in sync with the demanding sounds of the war drums,
Inhales and exhales syncronize with the hypnotizing ticks of life's time bomb,
Teardrops make the skin more potent with salt than that of the sea,
Humans scramble across the face of the earth seeking for meaning faster than my pen across the paper seeking relief from my thoughts,
The spirit declaring war on the flesh with more fury than mama bird defending her nest,
The angels surrounding you with swords drawn ready, awaiting the command.
Dramatic?
It's called everyday life, Sunday through Saturday and all the way back again.
It's not the fairytale that mesmerizes the innocent
Nor is it the nightmare that paralyzes the anxious.
It's the mundane the bores the crowd.
No permanence, no promises, no gaurantees
but you'll be in luck if you require surprises, fluctuations, and variations.
Retire your old eyes that only see today as a deja vu of the day before
Employ the sight that is fixed on detecting life's novelty, invisible to the stale public.
Nothing will always be here, especially you...

Down But Not Dead

I've been away for a long time, too long.
I was soo busy looking in the rearview mirror that I forgot to concentrate on where I was heading.
But it wasn't all in vain.
One thing that becomes more and more apparent is that I am fighting.
Sometimes I get lost and fooled into thinking everything fine.
I can't physically see it, but I feel it...
There is something wrong, something that's not right...yet.
The part that I tend to lose sight of is that I'm not immuned to the chaos.
When I think all is well, I let my guard down and get attacked every time.
You'd think I would have learned my lesson by now.
I wish I had, but maybe this is part of my lesson.
No, maybe this is the test... and my oh my, do I want to pass.
I'm battered and bruised and I can't take much longer.
Therefore, I know I won't have to take it much longer.
My weeping is not only enduring, it's dominating the night, but my joy will consume the morning.
The best war tactic is to kill off the biggest and baddest first and leave the weak for later.
That only tells me that I am a huge threat because he's using all he's got to try and get rid of me.
I have my wounds, I have my scars, and I'm familiar with the pain.
BUT he can't get a shot at my heart, why?
Because it's somewhere he'll never find it, in God's hands and that's where it'll stay.

Love Letter

Dear you know who,
Is it worth it?
There are horror stories galore with you.
I wanted to help you but my arm isn't long enough to reach that in the massive hole you've dug.
But then again you never asked for my help huh?
Sometimes it takes people like you to remind me that I'm no superwoman; I don't have the ability to 'save' anyone.
I was really hoping you didn't grow up to be the living how-to guide to ruin a life.
You know what? Instead of giving up on you, I'll just wait.
Man, when you come out of this, you are going to have an amazing testimony.
You're going to touch lives & you'll show that no matter how far fall there's always a way out.
I hate that you have to live it to learn it but hey it's all your decision right?
When you hit that hellish bottom what an awesome day that will be because that's when you'll start to make a change.
And guess what! You're making good time on reaching the point where you'll hit that wall so it won't be long.
I just hope you get there before it's too late.
You don't have forever you know.
Believe me your days are numbered and we can all hear the clock ticking.
tick Tick TICK... It's getting almost deafening so I know you hear it.
It's the final countdown sweetheart so do what you gotta do to be where you need to be.
Hope to see you in the good life... I'll save a seat for ya.
Best of luck,
Simone

Saved

I was saved in the past.
I am saved in the present.
I will be saved in the future.
That may just be a worn out phrase to some but only to those who have forgotten what it means.
Saved: to save from danger or possible harm; to keep safe; to keep from being lost; preserve; to deliver from the power and consequences of sin
How can you hear that and not be thankful that it pertains to you?
How can you hear that and not be jealous that it doesn't pertain to you?
Some people are taught to depend on themselves, that no one can save them but them....
In some ways its true.
Only you can let yourself be saved, yet you can't save yourself.
We were born with the desire to be rescued, some of us learn to ignore the feeling and some of us search our whole lives looking for our hero.
I found mine.
I'm not here to boast, I'm here refer you to him.
I admit, sometimes I lose sight and decide to be helpless.
I decide to stop fighting and just let whatever happens happen.
But we have all seen the news and that's what happens when you let 'whatever happens happen'.
Not long after my lapse in judgement I go running back to him begging for protection.
That's not the trap I want to spend the rest of my life trying to get out of.
Enough of pretending that I'm all alone in this fight.
Enough of wondering why I have this responsibility instead of thanking him for trusting me enough to give it to me.
Enough of putting everything else first.
Enough of thinking that this life is all there is.
Enough of listening to everyone else but You.
Enough of doubting Your promises.
Enough of taking You for granted.
Enough of forgetting what I am... and that's SAVED.

What Else Is New?

Oh how the mighty have fallen, how the tables have turned
Now comes the time for me to apply all the lessons I've learned
Everywhere I go I hear your voice
But I'm afraid to answer and acknowledge that I've made another wrong choice
It was ok when only I knew of my shame
But how am I supposed to go on with life when everything I hear is silenced by you calling my name?
Any other time I would run and find a safe place to hide
Now that's not really much of an option when what I want to run from is inside
I won't say it aloud because they wouldn't understand how I feel
I know its only you who possesses what I need to heal
They don't know 'the more the hurt, the bigger the smile'
You'd think they'd stop falling for my trick since I've been at it awhile
It's all my fault and you just want me to confess
And I can't justify my reasons for giving you any less
You know every little think I say and do
What's the point of even attempting to get away from you?
Every second I just feel so anxious and tense
Why I would do this to myself makes absolutely no sense
So much more than wrong, I couldn't be further from right
I know very well that I'm never going to win this fight
You've got this tight little hold on me of which I begged for
I asked that you make it impossible for me to escape you anymore
It's not that I want to be freed, I won't last if you let me go
I guess I just didn't realize that there's nothing I can do that you wouldn't know
I'm so tired of fighting, I think this is it
Someone for this world? I think I'm the worst possible fit
I was doing so well but got knocked back to square one
I can't face you again after all the things I've done
Same apology, different day
How could you ever love a person who acts this way?
What a sad position I've put myself in
I guess I'll just keep suffering until I turn back to you again

Disconnect

My heart is feeling things my head can't comprehend. This is the conversation they have almost everyday... it's amazing.

Head: I don't get it. Please explain.

Heart: There's really no need to. You'd understand completely if
it were you who felt the pain.

Head: Well it just doesn't seem logical. Nothing now makes sense.

Heart: I know, I know, but just think, now all the bad things are
past tense.

Head: But the things happening around us are so bad and you act
as though things are good.

Heart: Oh but things are good and don't worry, this is something
no intellect has ever understood.

Head: Look at everyone else! This isn't how we're supposed to be!

Heart: I don't want to live like everyone else anymore. I've made
a choice, now all the understanding comes through me. You've constantly been under attack but I'm the one who catches the slack. I'm the one who endures the hardships while you get to control what comes in through the eyes and out of the lips. Though your intentions are true and honest, your capacity cannot take us beyond this. Someone found me who will take care of us. You've been blinded and can’t see that he's someone we can trust.

Head: Did you check is credentials to see if he's legit.

Heart: Didn't I just tell you that everytime we blink he proves it?

Head: I don't know this just sounds too good to be true.

Heart: He said you'd say that, he also said that's why he doesn't consult you.

Head: Well I’m in charge. Why didn't he at least come to me first?

Heart: Not anymore, I am the life of this body and it is only through me that he will help considering we were born cursed.

Head: Cursed?! I don't remember anything like that being done.

Heart: You wouldn't, for us it’s been the norm from day one. But for me there were times when I kept feeling his nudge, but you were in control and I knew you wouldn't budge.

Head: You’re right! This is nonsense and won’t last.

Heart: Oh and you’ve always made the best decisions in the past?

Head: Hmm, well what will become of me now that the man in power only talks to you?

Heart: Oh don't worry; there is still plenty for you to do. This won't work if you don't participate but God wants your willingness to cooperate.

Head: I still don't understand the 'who, what, when, where, why, and how' but to you he's made this vow. I want the best for us so I will submit as I am commanded and execute the tasks that I am handed. Forgive me if I temporarily lose sight of our goal and try to take back the control.

Heart: I know it's hard but I am understanding as he's told me to be. Remember we are on the same team, you and me.



Heart: Dear Father,
My mind and I have talked and we are ready to follow your lead. Teach us your will and your way, whatever that may be. I can’t promise that my head will always be compliant learner, but he has agreed to let you have your way and sit on the back burner. Keep us and refresh us because we’re worn out and tired. As you have requested, Satan has been fired. I know you have rescued us and that’s why we are now ‘saved’. We have the desire to be your good little children who are well-behaved. Open up my eyes so that through you I can see. I love you with all that I am and everything you will have me be. I fall heir to You and well taken care of. I promise to bury in my heart that everything you do is done out of love. You will hear me speak of you and to you all the time. I am no longer silenced, walking through life as a mime. Once again, thank you for giving me a new song and I can’t wait to talk to you again before long.

With love,
On the behalf of Simone ‘s mind, heart, body, and soul

Choices, Choices, Choices

Sometimes I wonder if I missed my calling,
let the phone ring too many times expecting the machine to pick up.
I think 'maybe the person got the wrong number.'
Or is it that am I afraid of who may be on the other line?
Taking the road less travelled by and all that is a tricky thing.
Not everyone wants to know the reason no one chose it.
Could be the path wasn't worth the trip
Hmm, or maybe some just aren't equipped to travel the same route.
Can you blame me for being a little cautious?
I've made my way down plenty of deadends,
even lost a few people who picked the way I knew wasn't for me.
Take the wrong bus and it might take you everywhere but where you want to go.
All this makes perfect sense but...
Is just standing here in fear of making a bad decision the right choice?
Isn't that a choice in it self, usually the wrong choice?
Am I not making myself an easy target for all against me?
So afraid of choosing that I open myself up for the choice to be made for me.
No, that can't be right.
If I make a mistake at least I can go back and try a differen path,
but if I don't move there's no where to go back to.
Think too much, do too little.
Gotta start somewhere, why not the beginning?
Time is a wastin' and clock is a tickin'
It's time for me to choose.

My New Roommate

It was starting to get lonely here in my heart
I thought to post ads for the perfect companion but I wasn't sure where to start
Maybe someone loving, thoughtful, calm, and sweet
Someone who I could be excited about bringing my friends home to meet
There was someone, him, who would always show up at the door
But I always declined because he seemed like such a bore
I continuously chose the sly-looking and smooth talking
As opposed to the other guy who I would tell to 'just keep walking'
Well he was a whole lotta trouble,that is, the one who was good with his words
But I'm the one to blame because that's what I'd always heard
So many times I wanted to kick him out but I didn't want to be alone
I let myself get in too deep, too far in the zone
So heartbroken I didn't know if I could take much more
Just in time, there was a knock and the guy who I thought was no fun was at my door
He asked if I'd be willing to let him make his home in my heart with me
I was down to my last resort; how much worse could he be?
He said when he moved in he'd have to redecorate
But the part that got me? He said he wouldn't be satisfied being just my roommate
He told me that if I accepted the offer, the bond would be for life
To show his sincerity he asked me to be his holy wife
I thought this offer was too good to be true
But then again, my happiness was long overdue
My ways, I knew they had to change
But he said he would be more than happy to help me rearrange
So as of now I'm preparing to become a bride
And it's not easy but I'm taking all the differences in my life in stride
Yes, I've stumbled and have made more than one mistake
But that's another burden he took on for my sake
He said the best wedding present was waiting but it was a surprise
And that I would understand what he meant the day I looked him in his eyes
I can't wait to see what my new roommate got me
Oops! I mean the Lord whose bride I am to be

Today was the day

That was the day my heart stopped beating
The day my ears started bleeding
My breath started to stop
And my jaw couldn’t help but drop.
Emotions are a funny thing
Especially so since I’m most familiar with the ever-present, pain.
Fear drops by every now and again
And so, surprise usually pops its head in
But happiness, more like love… those are the ones I look for
Usually that’s what I’m doing when you see me creeping around at the back door
One day I looked in the mirror and was so amazed because, you see
Everything I looked for, the things I hunted were right there just waiting on me
I wasn’t looking for love necessarily in a husband or mate
I’m human so I just really yearned for someone who could relate.
When I bared my soul I really needed someone who would appreciate.
The world, if you let it, can be such a lonely place
Most times I couldn’t even bring myself to tolerate my own face
My life mainly consisted of trying to find my better half
But I was made as a whole; it’s just too bad I didn’t pay more attention in math
My eyes refused to see just how perfect of a match for me I was made to be
All the times I ran, all the traps I set
Really I was the only thing keeping me in emotional debt
I am and have always been the only one
And now all my searching and seeking is finally done
That was the day my heart stopped just beating, and started singing
The same day my ears started bleeding due to the sound of Heaven’s bells ringing
My breath started to stop or maybe it just started to speed
My jaw dropped for it was then that everything in me had been freed
Because it was that day I finally stopped fighting and let God have his way with me.