On May 25, 2010 (Wednesday) God put it very heavily on my heart that I needed to fast. Over and over I told myself that this was just a fluke and I didn’t really need to fast. As the day went on, God made it pretty obvious that He was NOT playing around. So I caved (thankfully) and committed to a 24 hr fast without any solid foods (only 1 can of cream of tomato soup, ½ a smoothie, and a variety of beverages).
I started at 7:30 pm determined as ever that I was going to be so close to God that I could smell his breath. Didn’t turn out how I planned though. I was, initially, so committed to reading my Bible for a whole hour while I was at work (regrettably I didn’t), I said I was going to listen to my 2 sermons on the train to work (couldn’t because I forgot my ipod), I was going to read some Christian literature (forgot the books in my other purse)… nothing was going the way I’d planned.
By 5:30 pm I was growing impatient, dangerously hungry, and unfaithful. I kept saying, “God will be happy that I fasted for 23 hours”, “I should just give up now since I didn’t do most of the things that I said I wasn’t going to do anyway”, and “I knew I couldn’t do it; I eat like ten times a day (my hips don’t lie!)”. The only thing I’d done right is not eat solid foods and I couldn’t see how doing that alone would bring me closer to God.
So at 6:15 pm I gave up. We had just gotten a McDonald’s coupon in the mail and I was going to use it. So I packed up my house shoes and my P.O.ed tummy and set off. On the way, traffic was backed up so I turned on my Joyce Meyer sermon (love her!) to hold me over. She happened to be talking about determinism. There was no way that was a coincidence! The Holy Spirit said, “Listen! This fast is not wasted. You may not have done everything you said you were going to do, but not all is lost. You didn’t keep your promise, but God always keeps his and he said he was going to see you through.”
Yes I bought my McDonald’s but right at this moment (7:26 pm) it is sitting on the counter waiting for me to come through on my end of the fast so God can show me that he always comes through on his. He made it clear to me that in these last few moments he knew what was going to happen all along. He knew I wouldn’t study like I said I would and that I would forget my ipod and miss my sermon. He knew the Devil was going to convince me that it was all in vain and try to get me to let down God, but God had a plan. His plan was to show me that he doesn’t go back on his promise no matter what I do. The Devil distracted me and tempted me all day (and I’d be lying to say I successfully refused him every time). He just knew he’d won.
BUT God used my disobedience and my weakness to show his glory. It is now 7:30 pm and I didn’t finish my fast… God did (I still haven’t eaten any solid foods). I didn’t do all the things I said I would do to be closer to God, but I’m closer anyway because he saw me through like he said he would. I’m writing this for any who take the time to read this. God has used me to show you that even when you don’t do everything you said you’d do for him, as long as you keep trusting him, he’s going to do everything he said he would do for you. All the power and glory to him!!!!! Time to for my fries!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Ready When You Are
I don’t ask of you to be perfect because that you will never be
I just ask that when you feel that weakness, come to me
We can start over and do it right
I want you with me during this fight
You’ve done wrong, but don’t hide
In me is where you need to confide
My love for you will not change
There’s no where you can go where you’ll be out of my range
You think I’m blind to you but your heart still calls
No matter how deep the hole in which you fall
Without me, you won’t get out alive
Regardless of the good deeds or how hard you strive
I don’t want to lose you, but know you better not lose me
You go through life as a locked door and only I have a key
Aren’t you curious to see what I’ve hidden within you?
All the abilities you’ve been given for the things you’re going to do?
Let me show you what lies ahead
Or are you content with sleepless nights lying in bed?
Yes, I see and hear you wondering what you were made for
Why everything you do in life ends up being a bore
It’s because you don’t have me to liven up the stale
You live every second in Satan’s invisible jail
You say you’ve had enough but I know it’s not true
If it was you’d be with me and that decision is long overdue
I just ask that when you feel that weakness, come to me
We can start over and do it right
I want you with me during this fight
You’ve done wrong, but don’t hide
In me is where you need to confide
My love for you will not change
There’s no where you can go where you’ll be out of my range
You think I’m blind to you but your heart still calls
No matter how deep the hole in which you fall
Without me, you won’t get out alive
Regardless of the good deeds or how hard you strive
I don’t want to lose you, but know you better not lose me
You go through life as a locked door and only I have a key
Aren’t you curious to see what I’ve hidden within you?
All the abilities you’ve been given for the things you’re going to do?
Let me show you what lies ahead
Or are you content with sleepless nights lying in bed?
Yes, I see and hear you wondering what you were made for
Why everything you do in life ends up being a bore
It’s because you don’t have me to liven up the stale
You live every second in Satan’s invisible jail
You say you’ve had enough but I know it’s not true
If it was you’d be with me and that decision is long overdue
You're On Your Own
Breath in, breath out
I won’t join you when you scream and shout
I’ve given in to you many times before
Now I’ll just save us both time and show you the door
Most of my time with you has never resulted in peace
My inner turmoil and restlessness wouldn’t cease
Well, your era has been and gone
I’m bored with it, so now I’ve moved on
The love I have for you will never die
But to say our relationship will be the same would be a lie
I refuse to forget the good times we shared
When we actually acted like we cared
For this is all sincere so don’t take offense
But going on like this doesn’t make sense
Not on you, but on this absurdity I give up
Because my life is just too good to let you continue to interrupt
I won’t join you when you scream and shout
I’ve given in to you many times before
Now I’ll just save us both time and show you the door
Most of my time with you has never resulted in peace
My inner turmoil and restlessness wouldn’t cease
Well, your era has been and gone
I’m bored with it, so now I’ve moved on
The love I have for you will never die
But to say our relationship will be the same would be a lie
I refuse to forget the good times we shared
When we actually acted like we cared
For this is all sincere so don’t take offense
But going on like this doesn’t make sense
Not on you, but on this absurdity I give up
Because my life is just too good to let you continue to interrupt
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Graduation to Life
Today is the last day of your past
You’re equipped to play your part in the role you were cast
Now is the time to look forward and conquer your future
To prove to yourself more than others that you really are mature
Memories you made can be used to look back and reminisce
But if you look too long, all the new experiences you’re sure to miss
From this day forward, remember that God has put the entire world in your hands
Not just your backyard or down the street, but also far and distant lands
He has already answered your prayer to live a life outside of the box
But you must be sure you’re there to answer when opportunity knocks
Here you go into foreign territory
But that’s what you gotta do to prepare an original ending to your story
Where you go, you’ll never be alone
We were brought together so we can be each other’s ‘mobile home’
The unity here does not stop when we leave from inside these walls
It goes everywhere, and is always ready with open arms when one of us falls
Every face and name you may not know
But these will be the faces you look to when you hit that low
Precise promises one should never make
But I’m willing to bet that as long as we’re invited, we’ll be with you every step you take
We’re all headed the same way
And many of us have been where you are now, here in present day
Utilize your talents and abilities, whatever they might be
So that in the end we can all tell God, “there’s nothing left, I used every gift you gave me.”
You’re equipped to play your part in the role you were cast
Now is the time to look forward and conquer your future
To prove to yourself more than others that you really are mature
Memories you made can be used to look back and reminisce
But if you look too long, all the new experiences you’re sure to miss
From this day forward, remember that God has put the entire world in your hands
Not just your backyard or down the street, but also far and distant lands
He has already answered your prayer to live a life outside of the box
But you must be sure you’re there to answer when opportunity knocks
Here you go into foreign territory
But that’s what you gotta do to prepare an original ending to your story
Where you go, you’ll never be alone
We were brought together so we can be each other’s ‘mobile home’
The unity here does not stop when we leave from inside these walls
It goes everywhere, and is always ready with open arms when one of us falls
Every face and name you may not know
But these will be the faces you look to when you hit that low
Precise promises one should never make
But I’m willing to bet that as long as we’re invited, we’ll be with you every step you take
We’re all headed the same way
And many of us have been where you are now, here in present day
Utilize your talents and abilities, whatever they might be
So that in the end we can all tell God, “there’s nothing left, I used every gift you gave me.”
Monday, May 10, 2010
On The Hunt
Everyone has a story, all are tragic, but some have happy endings.
This one's ending isn't finished, but allow me catch you up.
Let's just imagine that trust is a house, a home, a heart.
It’s made up to keep the homeowner safe, secure, happy.
Once everything is ready, every homeowner wants to find others to share it with; a home away from home kind of thing.
But so very often that is a mistake…
When I was younger I kept my front door unlocked and I welcomed all.
I put my heart into making my home comfortable and peaceful with the hopes that no one would want to leave.
Unfortunately that's exactly what happened.
No one would leave, instead they trashed my home believing it was their right as invited guests to use and abuse everything I had.
It wasn't long until I became a prisoner in and around myself; I couldn’t bear to live in my own home.
When it became excruciating, I kicked everyone out, good and bad not taking the time to distinguish between the two.
I threw away the key hoping I’d never be able find it again.
I decided it would be better to stay in alone than risk more unruly guests.
I spent a long time trying to fix the things they’d wrecked but we all know that just like paper, once it’s crumbled up it will never be perfect again.
Every once in awhile, I’d look outside and become envious of all the company other homes were able to keep.
So every once in a while, I would venture outside and occasionally into other homes, but never would I let another person enter my home that was so poorly treated.
Hypocrisy? Yes. Understandable? Yes
Besides, I’d never gotten it back to its original state.
Eventually, He found me; showed up on the front step hoping to come in, but as I had promised myself, no one would ever have that privilege again.
But he never left; after a few promises and conversation, he did succeed in charming is way on in.
He actually helped me clean up a bit, so the home is in much better shape than it had been.
Sometimes he’d come with me to the front porch and chat, but he always asked me if he could invite some other people in; of course I said no.
I’d already explained to him what happened all the other times, yet he would respond saying these new guests were tested and would respect my home.
He gave me his word and I’m in the process of trusting it.
So here we are in present day with me scurrying to find all the keys I’d hidden to unlock all the doors and praying with all my might that the new guests will still be there waiting when I get the door open.
I don’t want to miss my chance, but I need you to hang around so I can find the keys.
Trust me… I’m on the hunt.
This one's ending isn't finished, but allow me catch you up.
Let's just imagine that trust is a house, a home, a heart.
It’s made up to keep the homeowner safe, secure, happy.
Once everything is ready, every homeowner wants to find others to share it with; a home away from home kind of thing.
But so very often that is a mistake…
When I was younger I kept my front door unlocked and I welcomed all.
I put my heart into making my home comfortable and peaceful with the hopes that no one would want to leave.
Unfortunately that's exactly what happened.
No one would leave, instead they trashed my home believing it was their right as invited guests to use and abuse everything I had.
It wasn't long until I became a prisoner in and around myself; I couldn’t bear to live in my own home.
When it became excruciating, I kicked everyone out, good and bad not taking the time to distinguish between the two.
I threw away the key hoping I’d never be able find it again.
I decided it would be better to stay in alone than risk more unruly guests.
I spent a long time trying to fix the things they’d wrecked but we all know that just like paper, once it’s crumbled up it will never be perfect again.
Every once in awhile, I’d look outside and become envious of all the company other homes were able to keep.
So every once in a while, I would venture outside and occasionally into other homes, but never would I let another person enter my home that was so poorly treated.
Hypocrisy? Yes. Understandable? Yes
Besides, I’d never gotten it back to its original state.
Eventually, He found me; showed up on the front step hoping to come in, but as I had promised myself, no one would ever have that privilege again.
But he never left; after a few promises and conversation, he did succeed in charming is way on in.
He actually helped me clean up a bit, so the home is in much better shape than it had been.
Sometimes he’d come with me to the front porch and chat, but he always asked me if he could invite some other people in; of course I said no.
I’d already explained to him what happened all the other times, yet he would respond saying these new guests were tested and would respect my home.
He gave me his word and I’m in the process of trusting it.
So here we are in present day with me scurrying to find all the keys I’d hidden to unlock all the doors and praying with all my might that the new guests will still be there waiting when I get the door open.
I don’t want to miss my chance, but I need you to hang around so I can find the keys.
Trust me… I’m on the hunt.
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